guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
