she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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