its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
