He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
