man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
