What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
