She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
