I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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