Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
