I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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