This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do vagina's smell?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
