you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
