Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sext me about skeletons
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
