My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
