I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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