I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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