Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
