What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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