I heard we made out
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
