the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
