Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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