So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize