Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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