Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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