so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
