Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
