I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
