Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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