I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
