I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
