the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
