I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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