i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
