I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
