i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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