i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
