i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
