there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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