Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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