im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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