she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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