I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
