yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
