literally had 100 drinks last night.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My bed smells like the plague
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
