Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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