yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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