oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
