Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
