There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
