what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
