I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
