I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
