Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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