literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
