I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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