i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
