i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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