Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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