i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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