her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
my god I love twenty year old dicks
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
