I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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