I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
