Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
