im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
