seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
