you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize