Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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