My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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