That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
