I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just puked most of my soul out..
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