Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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