Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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