It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I am available for nakedness
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
